Issue 4: November 5th

Original Article
Administrators Shocked To Learn GW Not A Country
Pentagon Spurred To Warn School Of Perils Of Secession By News Of Knapp's Wife
GW Has Been On "Watch List" Alongside Alaska And Texas Since Vishal Scandal





Original Article
Students Pretending To Be Politicos React To Elections Pretending To Matter
Student Newspaper Pretending To Be Lucid Leads With Story
"Look, Country, look! We're Being Political! You're Not LOOKING!"



Original Article
FoBoGro Receives "License To Dill"
Refurbished Deli To Be Stocked With Quantum of Salads, The Rye Who Loved Me
Try Their Moonbaker, It's Perfect On Her Majesty's Secret Sauce






Original Article
Selfish Professors Refuse To Resign
University Could Be Enjoying This Weak Job Market, But Noooo
People Seem To Enjoy The Security Employment Brings, To GW's Chagrin






Original Article
Due To Sheer Awesomeness, GW Near Capacity
Foggy Bottom Can't Handle Our Shit, Says Spokesman
City-Imposed Limits Can "Suck" It

Issue 3: November 2nd

Original Article
Hammer "Suspect" Clearly Made-up Bogeyman Composite
"Mohammed N. Niazi" Everything GW Could Ever Be Afraid Of
One Can Only Assume What The "N" Is Short For


Original Article
GW To Complete Switch To Gmail By Apocalypse
Gallop of Approaching Horsemen To Scare Administrators Out Of Committee
Increased Storage Capacity Useful In Depths Of Hell


Original Article
University Scholarships Attract Graduate-Level Douchebags
"Undergraduate Political Achievement Awards" As Bad As It Sounds
Winners "Just Happy To Be Part Of The Problem"



Original Article
Men's Basketball Holds Open Practice For Some Reason
Sense Of Shame Possibly Beaten Out Of Them By Coppin State
Cover Charge Of $40 Suggests A Sick Market For This Sort Of Depravity




Original Article
Clancy Wiggum's Pension Plan Causes Stir
Springfield Police Chief Ranked #1 In Pay Last Year
$2.2 Million More Than Shelbyvillian Counterpart