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If you are not up to date on GW News or do not understand a headline, the link before each piece should help fill you in.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Issue 2: October 29th

Original Article

Doctors Call Out Deceased Treanor As "Lightweight"
".29 BAC? What Is This, Middle School? Wait, Why Am I Fired?"
District Attorney's Office Investigating Sharpie Doodles From Autopsy






Original Article

Chairman Of The Board Of Trustees Writes Even-Handed Opinion Article
It Is Unanimously "A Great Time To Be At GW" As Title Suggests

Man With Hammer-Related Head Injury Gives Thumbs Up



Original Article

GW Alum Disapproved For DC Parks & Rec Position
Council Members Cite Hartsock's Ignorance of Black Culture
Retort "But I Was Educated At GW!" Met With Guffaws and Knee-Slaps


Original Article

GW Hatchet Assumes Cross-Dressers Allergic To Water
Odd One-Off Stereotype Mercifully Cut Down By Events of 10/29

Origin Theories Involve Confusion Of Cross-Dressers With The Aliens From "Signs"



Original Article
Verizon Center Booked For Storage Of GW Endowment
GW Spokeswoman: "Over A Billion Dollars Doesn't Just House Itself"

In Case Of Rain, Parents Will Not Get To Watch Their Children Graduate


Original Article
Students Reading Article On Flu Dangers Of Beer Pong Remember To Buy Cups For This Weekend Headline "Beer Pong May Pose Flu Threat" Causes Shouts of "Woo! Beer Pong!"
Area CVS Owners Pick Up Thursday's Hatchet, Subsequently Rejoice


Original Article

Hatchet Opinion Article Points To Bestiality Films As "Better Standard" For Marriage
Values Flicks With Such Titles As "Beauty And The Beast" Above Classics Like Cinderella
"Human-on-Animal and Animal-on-Animal Viewing Will Curb Divorce" (Paraphrased)

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